Having an extra-marital affair is a symptom that your relationship is unhealthy and is taking a nose dive. According to relationship experts, one way to protect your marriage against affairs is to keep your sex life and physical intimacy a priority.
Dr. Michelle Golland of Momlogic gives tips on how to avoid the decline of desire in your marriage it doesn't result in infidelity:
1. Put your kids to sleep early. Too many couples keep their kids up too late for a variety of reasons, but if you can do the initial work of getting a solid bedtime between 7-8 o'clock, this will allow some quality time between you and your spouse. Feeling recharged is key to avoid the depleting experience of raising kids.
2. Use babysitters. Time alone as a couple is not a luxury as much as it is a necessity. If you can't afford a babysitter, then do an exchange with a friend or join a co-op sitters' club in your neighborhood. Dates don't need to be during the evening. Drop your kid off at a friend's house for 3 hours and go home and get back in bed together. An afternoon delight can be the best way to enjoy each other.
3. Sex starts in the morning. What I mean by this is be kind to each other. Make loving gestures. As an exhausted working mom, I know there is nothing sexier than my husband doing the dishes after dinner or giving the kids a bath. Couples make the mistake that our relationships are built on "big moments," but really it is the small loving gestures that inoculate us from disconnection and resentment.
4. Keep in touch during the day. Check in on each other. How is he feeling after the baby was up all night? Is he tired at work? Call your wife and just tell her you love her! Again, this is about being kind and giving, even when you're tired.
5. Pleasure without intercourse. Yes, I mean mutual masturbation. Sometimes we are just too tired for the whole shebang! We don't need to have intercourse to experience sexual pleasure. Give massages, rub feet, take a bath. Learn to satisfy your partner without sex. Realize you both don't have to reach orgasm each time you connect. This doesn't mean it was a "bad" time or incomplete. We need to redefine our sexual lives after having kids. All of these gestures will increase the possibility of intercourse occurring more often.
6. Last but really most important of all, TALK to each other. As a couple, you need to talk and connect everyday. I give homework to my couples. Three times a week or every other night, sit alone and let each of you speak without interruption for 3 minutes about how you are feeling or what is going on at home, work, or whatever.
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